ShadowLeaks Discovers a Modest-Is-Hottest Proposal

HILDEGARD: Wow, fellow church members, ShadowLeaks™ has found another shocking memo related to today’s announcement about class progression for young members of the church. Without further ado, here it is:


Dear Sisters and Brothers:

Adult Responsibilities Extended to Youth

Pursuant to recent Revelation™, we realize that our beloved daughters may be as prepared as our noble sons, to assume greater responsibility than traditionally delegated to children, in the name of increasing their faith and unity.

To that end, we are delighted to announce the following change: Effective in January 2019, the recommended minimum age for dating and marriage has been lowered to 11 (eleven) years of age, for young women.

Young women will be eligible for marriage in January of the year they turn 12, whether their birthdays fall on January 1 or December 31 of that year. Marriage will, of course, continue to be an individual matter based on worthiness, readiness, and personal circumstances. Special limited-use recommends will be available to qualifying young women to allow them to participate in this sacred ordinance of exaltation.

That said, whom the Lord calls, He qualifies, so we encourage local leaders to implement these changes throughout January 2019. We caution against pridefully denying marriage to eleven-year-old girls who feel so called.

Additional information includes the benefit of normalizing teen marriages to former Presidents of the Church.

We love our precious girls young women and rejoice at being able to afford them the Lord’s eternal blessings even earlier in life. We hope that such changes will support all church members in keeping on the covenant path.

Sincerely,

[Signatures]


~Hilda~

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