ShadowLeaks Discovers a Modest-Is-Hottest Proposal

HILDEGARD: Wow, fellow church members, ShadowLeaks™ has found another shocking memo related to today’s announcement about class progression for young members of the church. Without further ado, here it is:


Dear Sisters and Brothers:

Adult Responsibilities Extended to Youth

Pursuant to recent Revelation™, we realize that our beloved daughters may be as prepared as our noble sons, to assume greater responsibility than traditionally delegated to children, in the name of increasing their faith and unity.

To that end, we are delighted to announce the following change: Effective in January 2019, the recommended minimum age for dating and marriage has been lowered to 11 (eleven) years of age, for young women. Continue reading “ShadowLeaks Discovers a Modest-Is-Hottest Proposal”

ShadowLeaks™ Releases LDS Church’s Sacred Memos

PILAR: I’m on a mission to bring truth and light to the masses. So I started a new side gig I’m labeling ShadowLeaks™. And people, I have some really important news leaks for you about the new LDS hymn and song books. The absolute truth (and nothing but the truth) is that I have “acquired” certain secret sacred memos from Church Headquarters describing exactly what’s in and what’s out, plus every scandelicious detail about the new hymn book.

Continue reading “ShadowLeaks™ Releases LDS Church’s Sacred Memos”