TW: Abortion
READER POST: Over the General Conference pulpit this last weekend, a male religious leader once again spoke to women, telling us how to handle incredibly private and deeply personal choices, namely abortion.
He told stories of women who “sinned” by having abortions. He didn’t talk much of what their reasons might have been. He then shared a story of a married man who cheated on his wife, got his girlfriend pregnant, and didn’t want her to have the abortion she was considering. Instead, he convinced the girlfriend to give birth and his wife to raise the baby.
There are so many problems with this line of thinking that I don’t know where to start, so instead of trying to capture my reaction, I decided to rewrite his talk. If I, a woman, was inspired to give that same talk as Neal Andersen, this would be my version:
“When we speak about the profound and personal decisions surrounding unplanned pregnancy, we must do so with deep humility — especially those of us who have never faced this decision ourselves. Today, I want to center on the voices of women: the women who choose to continue their pregnancies, and the women who choose to end them. Both paths deserve respect.
“Let me begin by telling you about two brave women who faced unplanned pregnancies and chose abortion. Not as an act of carelessness, but as an act of courage, clarity, and self-respect.
“One was already stretched beyond her limits, caring for her children alone, without support emotional or financial support. She knew that bringing another child into her life would compromise not only her well-being but the well-being of the children who already depended on her. After difficult soul-searching and prayer, she chose abortion. In doing so, she chose, in a very real way, survival because she chose stability for herself and her family. She chose life in a different way — and she has never regretted that choice.
“Another woman was young, just starting to build a future she dreamed of. She understood that forcing herself into parenthood before she was ready would not only have derailed her hopes but left her a less capable provider and nurturer for her child. After serious reflection, and she decided *postponing parenthood was the best choice. She finished her education, built a loving, committed partnership, and then become a mother when the time was right. She, too, feels peace with her decision.
“These women are not cautionary tales. They are not examples of moral failure. They are examples of wisdom, agency, and the sacred right to make decisions about their own bodies and futures and about the kind of parent each woman decides to be for their children.
“Now, here is a third story I will share with you — not to glorify it, but to lay bare its complexity and its discomforting truths.
“A married man betrayed his wife and created a child with another woman. The woman, finding herself pregnant and without support, considered abortion. This was her right, and given the circumstances, it would have been a reasonable and just choice. But the man, who had already taken so much from her, tried to assert control over her body and her future. He begged her to continue the pregnancy, not because he had earned her trust, not because he was prepared to honor her sacrifice, but because he desired an outcome that placed the burden entirely on the women involved.
“This child was born — and this man, rather than stepping up himself, expected his wife, the woman he had betrayed, to raise the child of his affair. He placed the weight of his actions on her shoulders, asking her to carry the consequences of his choices.
“Women, this is not an example of righteousness. This is an example of imbalance, of exploitation, of a man deflecting responsibility onto the women in his life.
“We must say this clearly: no woman is divinely obligated to bear the consequences of another person’s betrayal. No woman is required to raise the child of her husband’s infidelity. No woman owes her life, her labor, or her love to repair a man’s mistakes.
“Forgiveness, when chosen, is powerful. But forgiveness is never synonymous with submission. Forgiveness does not require complicity in one’s own subjugation.
“To the men who hear my voice: do not weaponize forgiveness. Do not use stories like this to justify your failings or to expect endurance from the women around you. Take responsibility for your choices. Carry your own burdens.
“To the women: your worth is not measured by your suffering. Your goodness is not defined by how much you can endure. You are not required to make yourself small or selfless to compensate for someone else’s sin.
“I stand here today not to tell you what to do with your bodies or your futures but to affirm that these choices are yours, and yours alone. Trust yourself. Honor yourself. And know that whatever path you choose, you are deserving of respect, support, and love.”
~Jodi Farrell Gale~
Jodi is living her best freedom-phase life (aka empty nest) in sunny Florida. She is a plant lover, walker, crocheter, mom of six, Gigi to three, and a marketing wiz. She has been married for 33 years married and is five years into an epic faith journey—and loving every twist and turn!
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