DINAH: The women were speaking. And there I was, sitting with tears in my eyes and fire in my heart as I read through responses to the LDS Church’s Instagram post that quoted Sis. Anette Dennis as saying, “There is no other religious organization in the world, that I know of, that has so broadly given power and authority to women.” The post that was heard around the world. The disgust I felt upon first reading the quote turned into a swelling of pride for this womanhood that I was a part of. We would be silent no longer. We would speak our minds, even if stating it publicly was terrifying. We were eloquent, we were informed, and we were beautifully making our point. I sat in disbelief, pouring through each new thought on the situation, and trying to keep up with each new comment. Numbering in the thousands, they were coming in quickly. I’m sure the surprise would have been evident across my face if anyone had been around to see it. But with the kids in school and the house to myself, I was allowed rare quiet time to process it all.
Why did this mean so much to me? The relief society quote was shocking but not surprising. I’d mentally distanced myself from the church some time ago, instead choosing to create my own version of wild spirituality. I chose to take what I found beautiful and true in the gospel and I discarded the rest. I prayed to a Father and a Mother and searched for the Divine Feminine within myself. I learned more about Jesus, and about the true rebel and feminist that He was. I’d decided that I’d still attend church because, for better or worse, this was my history and these were my people. And they were good people. I stopped expecting change, progress, or acceptance from the Church. I understood that there was good, but that it wouldn’t meet all my spiritual and emotional needs. I stopped listening to talks, conferences, and broadcasts just because they came from the Church. Instead, I filtered the messages before I tasted them, protecting my mental space. I relied on others to tell me which talks felt like honey, and which felt like vinegar. I purposefully set myself up to not be let down.
So I still wasn’t sure why this new development affected me as it did. I always expect “LDS Inc.” to act in a way that protects its own interest. I believe the majority of men in the Church to be honest men who respect women. I’ve seen many examples of local leadership trying to make small changes to show love and inclusion to the women of their wards. But I can’t help but thinking of the top leadership as business men protecting their investments, and clinging to their celebrity status. These are men who are asked to take pictures with their “fans” and that are placed on a pedestal. That have their photos and thoughts placed in visible areas of honor in buildings and homes. I can’t help but think of the leaders of our church as the grasshoppers from the movie A Bug’s Life, which I recently watched with my kids. At one point in the film, the grasshopper leader gives a rousing speech to his followers after a single ant had stood up to him. “Those ants outnumber us a hundred to one, and if they ever figure that out, there goes our way of life!” To put it plainly, I didn’t expect much from the leadership except more of the same.
As I worked my way through my feelings about Instagram post, the Worldwide RS Devotional and the thousands and thousands of response, I realized that, even though I wasn’t surprised at the predictability of the Relief Society quote, what made the Church’s social media post wonderful was the real hope attached to it by women expressing disagreement by the minute. For so long I’d felt alone in Relief Society and in my nuance. I didn’t even know that I could feel this type of hope anymore.
But here, shining brightly, was the unity and the voices of women like me. Women of varying shades of church activity, all coming together to speak their pain. Women seeing each other, and validating our collective experiences. Women being vulnerable and connecting in their truth. Women working through their shared pain and reaching out to each other. Here, for the first time, was overwhelming validation. I finally had the validation that I wasn’t “just a whiner” or “looking for something to be upset about.” These were real concerns, held by a significant number of women. This was the Relief Society sisterhood that I’d longed for. This was a sisterhood full of hope. This changed everything for me.
Do I think the leadership will change? Maybe someday. Someday when the sons of this generation of strong women reach adulthood, and can usher in the examples of the women they were raised by and around. But for now what is changing is us. We, the women, are changing. We are opening our eyes and voicing our truth. And as we change, the people around us will be affected. Our voices have power, and our thoughts impact those around us.
Today in church my husband blessed our 13 year old son with an advance in the priesthood. In the blessing, he stated, “Know that the purpose of this advancement is not to hold power or authority over others but is an opportunity to be used as a service to others.” The previous week my husband hadn’t wanted to hear anything about the church post or its comments. This small nod from him meant something. People are listening, and I believe they are starting to respond. It may not ever reach the top, but we are making a difference. The fire has been lit, and we will not hide it under a bushel any longer. After seeing the unity of our women this week, I have hope. And that, my sisters, is everything.
~~Dinah~~
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