Tag: patriarchy

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Post-Election Thoughts of an Abuse Survivor

PILAR: Ever since the presidential election, I have been having a lot of flashbacks about how, when I got divorced from my extremely abusive ex husband – the man who beat and raped me and had numerous extramarital affairs – I lost so many of my friends because they picked the abuser over me. So it’s not really a surprise to me that so many Americans who consider themselves Christians have no problems supporting a rapist and voting him into office. Their entire experiences at church have taught them to excuse and ignore the sins of men (especially their crimes against women) and shrug them off in the name of forgiveness because the man gives great speeches, or is a good leader, or whatever. Literally any excuse will do.

I understand that lots of people want to separate Donald Trump’s policies from his personal life. I don’t want to talk about that, I want to talk about the trauma here. To women like me with past trauma who viscerally cringe at electing a man like him, I see you. I feel it, too. 

Continue reading “Post-Election Thoughts of an Abuse Survivor”
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Keep Sweet and Wear Your Sleeveless Garments (or Don’t)

ATHENA: Last week the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints sort of accidentally on-purpose announced a change to the style of LDS temple garments – the sacred underwear that faithful Mormons are expected to don when they first attend the temple and then continue to wear throughout their lives.

This isn’t the first time the LDS church has changed the garment design. It’s not even the first time in my lifetime such changes have been made. But this change is an even bigger deal than other previous changes have been. In each prior instance, the changes have had the effect of making the garment less obvious, less obtrusive, less inconvenient to wear, relative to earlier versions. They’ve still been obvious, obtrusive, and inconvenient, though, even in their scaled-down iterations. This latest one is the “skimpiest” version yet. It’s – gasp – sleeveless! There’s even a version for women that appears to accommodate going commando in hot climates. (Sorry, fellas, you don’t get the commando option unless you want to wear the women’s “slip” or “slip skirt” version. That’s up to you. Don’t ask, don’t tell.)

The Church’s garment designs no longer affect me personally. I was PIMO (physically in/mentally out) for several years before I stopped wearing garments completely, and that was decades ago. I’m not going back to them now, sleeves or no sleeves. This new change is hitting so many people, especially women, so hard that I can’t help thinking about my own experience with garment-wearing.

Continue reading “Keep Sweet and Wear Your Sleeveless Garments (or Don’t)”
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Bishop, Stake President Facilitate Husband’s Abuse of Wife and Children

READER POST: I was on my way to the high council room in our church building. My husband of four months was being called as the first counselor in the new bishopric, and each of the bishopric members were being set apart. I had been in that room many times as a stake primary president and the room held good memories of that time for me. But I knew our stake president would be leading the meeting. I didn’t hold good memories of my experiences with him. He was rough. He was the man who told me he’d revoke my temple recommend the minute I filed for divorce from my previous, abusive husband. So I didn’t. I stayed–for years–and the abuse continued. 

Continue reading “Bishop, Stake President Facilitate Husband’s Abuse of Wife and Children”
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I’m Not Alone!

DINAH: The women were speaking. And there I was, sitting with tears in my eyes and fire in my heart as I read through responses to the LDS Church’s Instagram post that quoted Sis. Anette Dennis as saying, “There is no other religious organization in the world, that I know of, that has so broadly given power and authority to women.” The post that was heard around the world. The disgust I felt upon first reading the quote turned into a swelling of pride for this womanhood that I was a part of. We would be silent no longer. We would speak our minds, even if stating it publicly was terrifying. We were eloquent, we were informed, and we were beautifully making our point. I sat in disbelief, pouring through each new thought on the situation, and trying to keep up with each new comment. Numbering in the thousands, they were coming in quickly. I’m sure the surprise would have been evident across my face if anyone had been around to see it. But with the kids in school and the house to myself, I was allowed rare quiet time to process it all.

Continue reading “I’m Not Alone!”
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LDS Women Testify of Heavenly Mother

SISTERS QUORUM: Every six months, as General Conference approaches, members of the LDS Church discuss their hopes about what will come from the pulpit. This go-round, however, LDS women are talking about their fears rather than their hopes. Leaks are coming from stake training meetings and other sources, suggesting this General Conference will be used to quash independent, spiritual pursuit of Heavenly Mother. When SQ asked LDS women to share their personal experiences with Heavenly Mother and their reactions to the possibility SLC will attempt to silence Her–and them–once again, twelve women gave us glimpses into their intimate, spiritual experiences. We were moved and think you will be, too.

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Not GOSPEL, but CRINGE

SERENA: Bro. Wilcox, I’m a temple recommend-holding Latter-day Saint woman who attends Church every week. I have teenagers. I also have something to say after watching your recent Alpine, Utah youth fireside. G O S P E L—what a clever use of acronym. Here’s my acronym for your talk: C R I N G E.  Let me spell it out for you. 

Continue reading “Not GOSPEL, but CRINGE”
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Unpeeling the Trauma of Disordered Eating

TW: Eating Disorders, weight/numbers

JUNE: Since I was 16, I have purged every single Thanksgiving dinner I’ve consumed. Turkey. Mashed potatoes. Pumpkin pie. Flushed away before it has the chance to leave its mark on my body. I am now 37.

Smaller, smaller. Become less visible. Take up less space. All around me, the notion was reinforced. Just my mere existence was burdensome because it felt so unworthy. Less than. Shameful. Continue reading “Unpeeling the Trauma of Disordered Eating”

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How Local Leaders Responded to Marital Abuse: An Interview with Pilar, Part II

In Part II of this interview, SQ’s Pilar explains how local church leaders addressed the sexual and physical abuse within her marriage. Read Part I, which focuses on how historic polygamy affected the domestic violence.

SQ: Pilar, before we get any deeper, please tell us your present standing with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?

PILAR: I’m an active member, attend my meetings, and hold a calling.  My first sealing was cancelled and I’m now sealed to my present husband. I decided to talk about these things because I love the Church and want it to do better.

SQ: Out of curiosity, how did you feel about the response to the first part of this interview?

PILAR: I appreciated the support. But some people expressed more concern over the mental state of my ex than they did for me, the abuse victim. That was disappointing. Demoralizing. Continue reading “How Local Leaders Responded to Marital Abuse: An Interview with Pilar, Part II”

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Polygamy Culture’s Impact on my Failing Marriage: An Interview with Pilar, Part I

In Part I of this two-part interview, SQ’s Pilar gives us a glimpse into how the church’s investment in its history of polygamy negatively impacted her first marriage. Continue reading “Polygamy Culture’s Impact on my Failing Marriage: An Interview with Pilar, Part I”

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Presiding Parents

MARTHA: As LDS parents, we are entrusted with maintaining the integrity and purity of our children. Jesus told us, “And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.”

We know that God dwells with our children, and it is our mantle, as parents, to ensure that the sacred and intimate event of worthiness interviews is only performed by people who are prepared and worthy to be in the presence of our children’s most sacred thoughts and feelings. Since we know our duty to protect, nourish, and defend, it is the task of presiding parents to conduct worthiness interviews with priesthood leaders who wish to enter the holy space of our children’s confidence. Continue reading “Presiding Parents”