Tag: domestic violence

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Post-Election Thoughts of an Abuse Survivor

PILAR: Ever since the presidential election, I have been having a lot of flashbacks about how, when I got divorced from my extremely abusive ex husband – the man who beat and raped me and had numerous extramarital affairs – I lost so many of my friends because they picked the abuser over me. So it’s not really a surprise to me that so many Americans who consider themselves Christians have no problems supporting a rapist and voting him into office. Their entire experiences at church have taught them to excuse and ignore the sins of men (especially their crimes against women) and shrug them off in the name of forgiveness because the man gives great speeches, or is a good leader, or whatever. Literally any excuse will do.

I understand that lots of people want to separate Donald Trump’s policies from his personal life. I don’t want to talk about that, I want to talk about the trauma here. To women like me with past trauma who viscerally cringe at electing a man like him, I see you. I feel it, too. 

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Abroad and Abused: One Woman’s Journey toward Empowerment

TW: Domestic violence, language

READER POST: The spring after I turned 21, I took on the task of teaching myself Polish by listening to language cassette tapes, writing down terms, and practicing. My husband and I were moving to Poland for a month, where he had served an LDS mission. Because he spoke fluent Polish, he helped me with vocabulary. I made sure to ask him how to say, “Help me.”   He quickly answered, “Jestem kurwa.”  I added it to my list.  Learning Polish and traveling back to his mission area were efforts to strengthen my marriage. I wanted a healthy marriage so badly and the truth was that my marriage was in distress.   

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A Betrayal in My Religious Sisterhood

Sisters take care of each other, watch out for each other, comfort each other, and are there for each other through thick and thin. ~ Bonnie L. Oscarson

READER POST: I was in a toxic, abusive marriage. I felt profoundly alone because no one knew about my struggles as a betrayed and abused wife. I’d been thrown into murky waters without a life raft, so I clung to Brene Brown’s challenge to dare greatly. I forced myself to be truer to what I was feeling, experiencing, and thinking. I knew I needed human connection even though it’d require a vulnerability I feared, so I looked to the safest place I knew: the sisterhood in my Relief Society. Surely my sisters would lift me if I mustered enough courage to tell them I was being abused. I was wrong.
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The Risk of Outsider Advice in a Domestic Violence Situation

JUNE: I did the only thing I could do: defend myself with the tool I had. I was 5′ 5″ and 145 pounds. My husband stood 6′ 6″ and weighed 220 pounds. My physical stature wasn’t that tool. My instinct was. Continue reading “The Risk of Outsider Advice in a Domestic Violence Situation”