Tag: confession

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The Trustworthy Don’t Support Abusers

TW: child sex abuse, suicidality

PILAR: My thoughts are a jumble of memories and feelings and flashes of things I’d rather forget but cannot because everyday the Epstein files remind me of my past. The current world has become an absolute dumpster fire, and, as we watch, Trump, an adjudicated rapist, continues to sow chaos and denial by pursuing ever more violent distractions to keep the American public from looking at his role in Epstein’s world of power and pedophilia. Some of us–the victims of childhood sexual abuse–will not be distracted.

When I was a kid, I was molested by an older male relative. He was also a minor (though almost 5 years my senior), and he sexually experimented on my young body for years. I internalized the religious teachings I had heard at church.  Pres. Spencer W. Kimball’s vitriolic messages about fighting for your chastity included that a woman should lay down her life rather than lose “her virtue.” My own mother, though well meaning, always stressed to me just how much she agreed that she would much rather die than be sullied. 

These teachings were so deeply ingrained into my psyche that, as a teenager on the cusp of puberty and well into my twenties, I was often suicidal because I was harboring a deep secret. Too terrified to ask for help, I hid my abuse and harbored self-loathing for not having died defending myself. I hated myself for surviving. As a college student who was still grappling with my secret, I went to my bishop and told him what had happened to me. I was hoping that he would offer me counseling. I had spiraled into depression and a deep suicidality that scared my roommates. 

Continue reading “The Trustworthy Don’t Support Abusers”
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The Silencing of Women in the Church

READER POST: At the foundation of the patriarchal culture of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the silencing of women. Until recently, women were not allowed to speak in General Conference. Their voices are excluded from critical councils of the Church–the councils that make policies which determine the quality of a woman’s life and how a woman may participate in the Church. Under these conditions, women are expected to obey Church leaders without complaint. Those who refuse to do so are too often marginalized and shamed. Continue reading “The Silencing of Women in the Church”

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How Local Leaders Responded to Marital Abuse: An Interview with Pilar, Part II

In Part II of this interview, SQ’s Pilar explains how local church leaders addressed the sexual and physical abuse within her marriage. Read Part I, which focuses on how historic polygamy affected the domestic violence.

SQ: Pilar, before we get any deeper, please tell us your present standing with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?

PILAR: I’m an active member, attend my meetings, and hold a calling.  My first sealing was cancelled and I’m now sealed to my present husband. I decided to talk about these things because I love the Church and want it to do better.

SQ: Out of curiosity, how did you feel about the response to the first part of this interview?

PILAR: I appreciated the support. But some people expressed more concern over the mental state of my ex than they did for me, the abuse victim. That was disappointing. Demoralizing. Continue reading “How Local Leaders Responded to Marital Abuse: An Interview with Pilar, Part II”