Category: Laura

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Her Shoes Told Me She Didn’t Belong at Church

LAURA: In late 2021, I started attending church again. It is not an LDS church, but another one in my Mountain West area. Covid had left me feeling isolated from the kind of rituals and corresponding social-spiritual connections that feed my soul, and, while I’m tentative about organized religion, I found that Sunday services at a low-demand congregation helped fill that need.

One Sunday soon after I began attending, I noticed something about the family sitting near me. The four of them looked a lot like the families in the ward I attended when I was growing up: mom, dad, and two young kids with a bag full of activities to occupy little hands. Like all of us, they wore their masks and were dressed for church, although, because this was not an LDS church, they were not in the “church clothes” of my youth. But neither was I.

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The Mormon Marriage Script and My Wish for Choices

LAURA: Ten years. Almost one third of my life. I’m not old enough to have a marriage 10 years old. Except I guess I am.

We, or rather I, had grand plans for this 10th anniversary. However life got in the way, a fact that I find hilariously ironic considering that marriage got in the way of my life. I don’t mean that in a bad way. I only mean that I didn’t want to get married and have children, especially not right away. I had incredible, adventurous, and powerful life plans.

But… marriage and children was the story God wanted me to live.

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Sitting with My Anger: a Queer Response to the Policy of Exclusion Reversal

LAURA: For three and a half years, queer Mormons in same-sex relationships have been classed as apostates “for purpose of church discipline” and their children excluded from full activity in the church. Yesterday, that policy was reversed during the General Conference Leadership Session.

As a queer woman, I’ve watched the reactions from across the spectrum of Mormondom and I’ve very slowly and carefully made space for my own feelings. What I’ve seen is that most straight Mormons, whether they’re more nuanced and on the fringes or they’re more traditionally believing, are happy. They are celebrating even. Meanwhile most queer Mormons are hesitant, hurting again, fearful of what comes next, and mourning the minimization of three and a half years of brutal pain. Continue reading “Sitting with My Anger: a Queer Response to the Policy of Exclusion Reversal”

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Home-centered and Church-supported Mormonism in Context

LAURA: I listened to Saturday morning’s session of General Conference with interest. There were rumors in online Mormonland that this change to a 2-hour block was coming and so I wasn’t entirely surprised by it. I was surprised by the way it jumbled my feelings though.

As Pres. Nelson shared the story of a family who held church in their home, I felt grief and frustration. He shared how the husband was more careful about his language and tone in their home, knowing that it was under that roof he would bless the sacrament. Four years ago, I had friends who were excommunicated for doing the same. Although the surrounding circumstances were different, it was a painful reminder that the church is not the same wherever you go. Continue reading “Home-centered and Church-supported Mormonism in Context”

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Sam Young and Mormonism’s Failure to Do Better

LAURA: I’ve seen a meme floating around recently that says something like “The thing that hurt me was my own expectations.” I don’t know if that’s true. Sometimes I think it’s hope that hurts us. I do know that, when it comes to people, I’m an optimist and I regularly expect people to be amazing. I’m often disappointed and hurt. Continue reading “Sam Young and Mormonism’s Failure to Do Better”

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Breastfeeding and the Commodified Mother

LAURA: I breastfed my oldest longer than most North Americans do. I just passed the average age of weaning with my youngest, who shows no signs of being done. Buoyed by my knowledge of worldwide data, a supportive community, and my own stubbornness, I’ve never cared about others’ opinions on this topic.

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Life Bi the Closet

LAURA: When I was a kid, my grandparents lived in a house with a closet that had stairs and a hidden cubby inside. It captured my imagination (imagine! secrets in a closet!), and I loved to play in there. Now, of course, I’ve grown too big to fit inside, and even my very best imaginations can’t make me believe that a closet really is another world. I miss that sometimes–being able to make my real world disappear and let my play one be real for a while.

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Learning from Jesus this Christmas

LAURA: As we approach Christmas, I’ve been thinking a lot about Jesus. Like many of my friends, I’m trying to simplify our holiday without completely ignoring it. My oldest is extremely excited about Christmas and I don’t want to disappoint her. However, the mental load of the holidays is enough to overload my already anxiety-prone mental health. Balancing my limits with what I want, what my littles are wishing for, and what my extended family, social circle, and employer are expecting is the order of the day.

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