DINAH: I remember when, at age 12, I spent Young Women’s activities cutting wedding dresses out of magazines and making lists of all the qualities I wanted in the man who would someday “take me to the temple.” As a child of the 90’s, my girlhood was filled with movies and stories of Happily Ever After. The princess always find their prince – and the Mormon girl always finds her Returned Missionary. In the movies, the heroine’s adventure would end (or begin?) with her wearing a big, beautiful dress during her big, beautiful wedding which, of course, took place in a big beautiful castle. That would be me. Someday my castle would be the Temple of the Lord.
Continue reading “A Memory on the 5th Anniversary of the LDS Policy Shift on Marriages and Sealings”
I Need a Mother God
TW: Miscarriage
DINAH: I’d always been a bit of a weird child, if I’m being honest. I spent my childhood on a small ranch in the desert, in a small town, with no close neighbors. I spent much of my time outdoors, with my different assortment of animals, creating my own fun and very much living in my own world. I was supported in my weirdness, and was never stifled. My hair wild and my feet dirty, I was allowed to roam with my body and my mind. From my earliest memories came the whisperings of spirit. I formed my own sense of spirituality and connection. I would often sit outside with my eyes closed to the world, and feel nature and God glowing all around me. They were synonymous to me. Spirit was everywhere, and I absorbed it in many forms.
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I’m Not Alone!
DINAH: The women were speaking. And there I was, sitting with tears in my eyes and fire in my heart as I read through responses to the LDS Church’s Instagram post that quoted Sis. Anette Dennis as saying, “There is no other religious organization in the world, that I know of, that has so broadly given power and authority to women.” The post that was heard around the world. The disgust I felt upon first reading the quote turned into a swelling of pride for this womanhood that I was a part of. We would be silent no longer. We would speak our minds, even if stating it publicly was terrifying. We were eloquent, we were informed, and we were beautifully making our point. I sat in disbelief, pouring through each new thought on the situation, and trying to keep up with each new comment. Numbering in the thousands, they were coming in quickly. I’m sure the surprise would have been evident across my face if anyone had been around to see it. But with the kids in school and the house to myself, I was allowed rare quiet time to process it all.
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Cancelled: Resigned LDS Mother of Trans Child Forbidden from Singing in Christmas Service
READER POST: I come from pioneer Mormon heritage on both sides. I’m deeply Mormon. I graduated from early morning seminary where I watched many a vibrant sunrise while driving to the stake center. I graduated from the institute program in college, a program designed to take four years, but I finished in two (curtsy). I graduated from BYU in Provo, Utah. I was married to my husband in the temple of the Lord. I feel Mormon deeply in my soul. My oldest child (age 17) is transgender, and he is good and holy, and the binaries of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints don’t work for him. After a few years of trying to make it work for me and working so hard to educate my leaders on how they can be more inclusive, and moving millimeters, I came to the realization that if it doesn’t work for him, it doesn’t work for me. We are a package deal.
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The Discernment Myth
DEBORAH: In LDS theology, discernment is a God-given ability of priesthood leaders that allows them a type of spiritual eyes with which to judge people under their stewardship. Discernment is at play when a stake president selects a new bishop, or a bishop calls his ward’s auxiliary presidents, but discernment is also alleged to help leaders spiritually sense when someone isn’t living the commandments or is in need of specific, divine guidance he alone can voice for them. It’s a lofty idea but also a dangerous one.
The idea of discernment took a few solid blows to the chops last week when news broke that two bishops, one in Idaho and one in Utah, currently stand accused of serious sexual misconduct. Here in our little quorum of sisters there have been incidents where discernment failed us. Pilar’s story comes to mind (read here and here). Several of our SQ readers have shared their personal experiences in which the discernment of priesthood leaders was absent when they needed it present. As examples, both SQ readers Jane and Verlyne shared that, after being raped, their bishops held disciplinary councils against them on the grounds of fornication and exacted punishment, even disfellowshipment (read Jane’s story here and Verlyne’s here). There’s no end to the pain caused when discernment fails.
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My Trans Teen and the Sting of Being Active LDS
TW: Policy exclusion of transgender individuals
BRANDY: Several weeks before Christmas, I stood in my kitchen wrapping pralines. It’s tedious, monotonous, work, and the worst part of making the damn things. My mind was racing, stressing, about all the things I still had to do before bed, before tomorrow, before I left town for a few days, before Christmas. My husband walked into the kitchen and something in his expression made me ask what was going on. He said, “You have four sons.” And I felt the floor fall out from under my feet. Continue reading “My Trans Teen and the Sting of Being Active LDS”
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What About the Women (Again)?
DEBORAH: If you’re an LDS woman and you watched the January 2018 press conference that followed the formation of the new First Presidency, you likely have a particular moment carved into your brain—that prolonged moment when Pres. Russell M. Nelson responded to a question posed by Peggy Fletcher Stack (Salt Lake Tribune) regarding forthcoming advances in gender equity and diversity in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. First he gave a tribute to her family, followed by a salute to the diversity of men who lead the Church in 188 nations, which included a reminder that “somebody’s going to be left out, but it doesn’t matter because the Lord’s in charge.”
Once he finished responding, Stack, from her seat and without benefit of a mic, can barely be heard to nudge, “What about the women?” President Nelson’s response? “I love them.” (See 18:43 to 22:40 of previous link.)
A few days ago, By Common Consent published guest blogger Kenneth Merrill’s “What I Wish My Prophet Would Say,” which is his six-point wish list for change announcements to be made in the upcoming April 2020 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. To recap, he asks the First Presidency to put its weight into commanding members not to kick one another out of the Church or their homes, to be inclusive, to be environmentally aware, and to admit the church has done some abusive things, including protecting sex offenders. By the close of it, Stack’s faint voice was ringing in my mind: “What about the women?” Continue reading “What About the Women (Again)?”
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A Story of Christmas Charity and the Gift of Humiliation
READER SUBMISSION: My young family lived in poverty for years, but we attended church in a very wealthy area in Arizona. Our church arranges for everyone in the congregation to receive member ministers whose purpose is to make monthly in-home visits. These visits are both a well-being check and an opportunity to share a spiritual message. One day close to Christmas, my visiting minister (who lived much more comfortably than we did) called and asked if she could stop by. On her visit earlier in the month, she’d noticed our “Christmas tree” had been cut out of cardboard I found in a dumpster and taped to the wall, its ornaments drawn on with crayons. Our stockings were made out of old shirts, sewed together with yarn.
She brought her three grandchildren with her on this extra monthly visit—and a truck full of gifts for my toddlers. One of the grandchildren looked around our apartment in awe and asked, “Is this a hotel room?” We lived in a small, two bedroom apartment, but it was a normal apartment and didn’t look like a hotel. He certainly wasn’t to blame for his naive comment, but it was obvious he had never been inside an apartment before. Continue reading “A Story of Christmas Charity and the Gift of Humiliation”
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Not Thin Enough for the Celestial Kingdom
TW: Anorexia, eating disorders, domestic bullying
ATHENA: One Thanksgiving when I was about fourteen-years-old, beloved relatives came to share the day with my family and brought treats I’d never seen before. I took small helpings of each. When I reached for a second helping, my older brother said, “Don’t eat that; you’ll end up looking like <insert name of non-svelte teenage girl in our ward> and no one will want to date you.” Continue reading “Not Thin Enough for the Celestial Kingdom”
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Female Body Weight and the LDS Culture
TW: discussion of body shaming, polygamy
DEBORAH: Immediately after being called as a Young Women’s president, a mother expressed she was pleased by my call, saying, “They usually don’t let bigger women be YW presidents. The girls need to learn their value isn’t tied to their weight.” Needless to say, I was taken aback. I still am, though more than twenty years have passed.
Continue reading “Female Body Weight and the LDS Culture”
Sisters Quorum 