Post-Election Thoughts of an Abuse Survivor

PILAR: Ever since the presidential election, I have been having a lot of flashbacks about how, when I got divorced from my extremely abusive ex husband – the man who beat and raped me and had numerous extramarital affairs – I lost so many of my friends because they picked the abuser over me. So it’s not really a surprise to me that so many Americans who consider themselves Christians have no problems supporting a rapist and voting him into office. Their entire experiences at church have taught them to excuse and ignore the sins of men (especially their crimes against women) and shrug them off in the name of forgiveness because the man gives great speeches, or is a good leader, or whatever. Literally any excuse will do.

I understand that lots of people want to separate Donald Trump’s policies from his personal life. I don’t want to talk about that, I want to talk about the trauma here. To women like me with past trauma who viscerally cringe at electing a man like him, I see you. I feel it, too. 

I know all too well how few people give a damn about abuse victims. I spent seven very long years trying to get my religious leaders to help me end my abuse, only to be met with blame and recrimination. Obviously, it was my fault that I was being abused. I must have done something to deserve this bad treatment after all. I was advised to pray harder for him and make sure that his needs, especially his sexual “needs,” were being met so that he would not want to abuse me, so he wouldn’t want to rape his wife. The onus was always put on me to change. It was always up to me to prevent, avoid, and endure his abuse. NEVER was it suggested that he should stop or that he was in the wrong to be abusive. My ex admitted in open court in front of a judge that he had indeed beaten our son with a broken frame. He ADMITTED GUILT and yet the judge shrugged and gave him partial custody.

I want people to LISTEN and try to understand why so many women are feeling PAIN about this election. Abuse victims remember the lies, the tone of voice, the endless threats of violence and the finger pointing. It’s an echo that we hear in Trump. We also remember the fact that we are rarely believed, defended, or supported but are always blamed. 

Mention that a man is abusive and a chorus of “He’s such a great guy” sounds off. In case you’ve forgotten, this is who Trump is: His first wife accused him of raping her. E. Jean Carroll accused him of raping her and was awarded millions in damages for his sexual abuse. And dozens of other women and teenage girls have come forward, accusing him of sexual abuse or sexual misconduct (read here). For crying out loud, Jeffrey Epstein, the sex trafficker of underage girls, called Trump his “closest friend” for 10 years! (Read/listen here.) But say those things and it’s all false, it’s all smears, no president has ever been more unfairly treated, and God commands Christians [who aren’t his victims] to forgive him.

When abuse victims hear Trump’s voice, we remember. We remember every time we were abused and hurt, every time we were not believed and not protected. Every woman deserves to be in a relationship where she is cherished and loved, not terrorized and tormented. But now, abuse victims everywhere are going to be hearing that all too familiar tone of voice threatening them and their safety and sanity. And yet everyone around Trump seems to be completely oblivious to the danger. 

~~Pilar~~

Read a two-part interview with Pilar regarding the abuse in her first marriage by clicking first here and then here.

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